Mellow Yellow

Over the last couple of weeks I have had so many things I've wanted to blog about and share (how successful Art Bra Austin was is a good example and wanting to share pictures of my outfit), but to be quite honest, I've been feeling pretty crumby lately (yes, I decided to go the PG route in describing how I feel).  I started my new chemo cocktail on May 8th (an infusion I would get once every 3 weeks), and even though I was told it was going to be a rough one, I kept thinking, "sure, I'll have a rough week and then I'll have 2 weeks to live it up and have some fun."  Welllllllll, that's not exactly how it went down.  The last 3 weeks have been pretty miserable (again, PG version).

On top of the extreme dehydration, nausea, stomach issues, hair loss (thankfully I've started out again with a thick head of hair so it's not too noticeable), and what turned into a constant pain in my right side (yep, the liver quiver)... there's also the chest/stomach pains I've been having.  Unfortunately these pains became so bad that I would instantly throw up.  I've been taking an anti spasm medicine for my esophagus and after tweaking the dose a couple of times, these chest/stomach pains are finally better.  The endoscopy I ended up having thankfully came back clear, but the GI Dr believes this is all stress related.  I'm sorry... stress?!?  What is that???  And what could I or my body be possibly stressed about?!  Weird!

So this is the deal... I was supposed to get my 2nd infusion this week.  After keeping Dr. H updated on a regular basis on my side effects and how I've been handling them (or not being able to handle them), and walking into her office and having her comment on how yellow I was... chemo was put on hold and a CT scan was ordered that afternoon.  

The results are in... The lesions on my liver are slightly larger, but the problem is that the lesions are interfering with bile in my liver getting to the bile duct.  

Side note:  Before I go on any further, here's a little fun fact about bile... because don't we all need to know a little more about bile!  And no, this is nothing fancy, just some quick info from Wikipedia (however reliable or unreliable you find Wikipedia)... 

A bile duct is any of a number of long tube-like structures that carry bile.  Bile, required for the digestion of food, is secreted by the liver into passages that carry bile toward the hepatic duct, which joins with the cystic duct (carrying bile to and from the gallbladder) to form the common bile duct, which opens into the intestine.  Blockage of the bile duct by a cancer, gallstones, or scarring from injury prevents the bile from being transported to the intestine and the active ingredient in the bile (bilirubin) instead accumulates in the blood. This condition results in jaundice, where the skin and eyes become yellow from the bilirubin in the blood. 

So yes, this explains my yellow hue.  Tomorrow I will have an outpatient day surgery where they will put a drain in my liver which will alleviate the backup of bile in my liver.  Next week we'll do some more lab work and see how this procedure is helping out.  If this works (or should I say when this works), I will have a lot more options as far as chemo goes.

Prayers, good vibes, positive thoughts and energy are of course welcomed!  As far as me needing any help... from what I understand, this should be an easy peasy procedure and I have a ton of family in town and coming into town to help me out.  I'll keep you posted on how things are going as soon as I can.  

I also can't wait to share with you some of the more fun and entertaining "chapters" in my cancer journey.  My Art Bra Austin experience is at the top of the list, but I also can't wait to introduce you to my new BFF!  Gotta love a teaser!  Now I just need to feel better to follow up on these blog entries!  ;)

Comfortably Numb - A New Cocktail

I'm not quite sure why I'm not freaking out at this point.  I'm still going through all the same emotions I've gone through in the past when we've switched up my treatment... I don't think I'll ever not go through the worrying, the nerves, or the "what ifs."  But for some reason this time I feel a little more numb.  Numb in a... in a way that I'm okay with.  Lets call it, comfortably numb.  

Maybe I've come to terms with and I'm accepting of the fact that TDM1/Kadcyla and the 1,000 drugs I tried before that, weren't the right drugs for me.  And maybe this next treatment isn't the right one for me either.  But what if it is?  One of these days we're bound to find the right drug.  Right?!  

Maybe this is just my new "normal."  I'm not quite sure what normal is anymore... it's been redefined so many times since I was diagnosed.  

Maybe now that I'm retired I don't have the added stress of trying to make it into work or worrying that if I don't work, I won't get paid. 

Maybe it's having faith that everything will be okay. 

Maybe I don't need a reason or an explanation as to why I feel "comfortably numb."  

Tomorrow I'll start a new chemo cocktail...

Epirubicin, Cytoxin & Herceptin 

Let's get this new treatment started!  It could be the right drug for me!

 

I... Have become comfortably numb.

Mixed Emotions

I'm not exactly sure how to start this blog entry.  I have a few mixed emotions going on here.  The new treatment I'm on (TDM1 or Kadycla) isn't exactly working.  Who am I kidding... In no shape or form is it working.  I had a PET scan on Monday and the lesions on my liver are bigger and showing more cancer activity AND it spread to a couple lymph nodes in the abdomen area (in addition to the lymph nodes that were detected on my last scan).  Well, SH*T!  Now what?!  I have no idea and I have to wait till Monday to talk to Dr. H about our new game plan.  Well, I can't say I'm that surprised in these oh so disappointing results.  I knew my body was trying to tell me something.  Over the last 2 weeks I've been experiencing this "discomfort"... not quite in my abdomen and not quite in my chest, but somewhere in-between.  I've been taking Prilosec for heartburn and then started taking Carafate which treats ulcers and was about to make an appointment with a Gastroenterologist... and then we received the PET results which helped explain the mystery discomfort.  Wouldn't you know it... (insert suspenseful music)... it's my liver!  Because this is such a different pain/discomfort then what I've experienced in the past, I never thought for a second it was my liver.  In a weird kind of way I'm relieved it's nothing new!  The 3 lesions might be bigger, but hell, things could be worse!  At one point last year I had over 20 lesions on my liver!  So ya, things could be worse!

Anyway, this week hasn't been an easy one... anticipating the possible bad PET scan results and now processing the bad PET scan results and everything that comes with it (starting a new drug, new side effects, etc).  Let's see, I'm worried, I'm pissed, I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm confused and I'm tired!  Yep, to sum it up... this sucks!  

Cancer has basically become my full time job.  It consumes so much of my life and my day to day activities... Drs appointments, lab work, chemo, recovering from chemo, more appointments, more lab work, scans... sometimes it feels like it never ends.  

I had my week planned out with lunches, get togethers and dinners.  Even though I've been feeling a little "discomfort," I was looking forward to catching up with friends and having a few laughs.  Well, after this emotional roller coaster I've been on, you have no idea how badly I wanted to bail and cancel all my plans.  And then I realized, I CAN'T and I WON'T let this disease control my life and deprive me of the fun and good times I look forward to.  And THAT is how I'm kickin' cancer's ass!!

P.S. I'm looking forward to seeing y'all at Art Bra Austin in a little over 2 weeks.  If you're unable to go and would like to help me raise money for the Breast Cancer Resource Center (BCRC), here is the link to my fundraising page... CLICK HERE!  Thank you!