Chemo Cocktail #... What # Are We On Again??

The plan today was to start a new chemo cocktail... keeping with Tykerb, Herceptin, Zometa & Femara (a combo that I've been on the last 7 months), however we've taken Navelbine out of the cocktail and replaced it with Cisplatin.  Now, I've said this a million times, I LOVE having options, but I'm not going to lie... this new chemo cocktail was not one of our top 3 options.  Do you know how frustrating that is?!  The top 3 drugs that Dr. H recommended for me were quickly taken off the table due to various reasons... an unexplained spike in my lab work disqualified me from a trial, my insurance was unable to approve a drug b/c it had not been FDA approved, etc.  So over the last week I have convinced myself that maybe this new chemo cocktail is "the one" for me.  Everyone responds and reacts differently to each drug... maybe Cisplatin is "my drug."  Regardless if it's Dr. H's first pick or last, it could be "THE drug" that kicks this cancer's ass!  On top of my "convincing" myself of this being the one, I've also been preparing for what this new drug has in store for me.  How will I deal with the side effects?  Will I finally lose my hair?  I tell ya, after this last week, I'm emotionally and mentally drained.  And after all that, I walked into the infusion room today ready to start kickin' cancer's ass with my new secret weapon... Cisplatin!

(insert record scratching)

I'm sitting in the infusion room getting my Zometa when my Nurse Prac strolls in.  Before they even brought out my "secret weapon" Cisplatin, I'm being informed that the FDA approved one of our top 3 drug options AND my insurance covers it AND that's what Dr. H is wanting me to start.  Buuuuuuuut, what about the secret weapon I've been preparing myself for?  What does this mean?  Well, surely we're not limited to just one secret weapon, right?!  Ya, I didn't think so either!  So Cisplatin is being put on the back burner for some other time and now I need to get ready for another secret weapon.  Seriously, all this convincing and preparing myself for these new drugs is exhausting!!

So my new chemo cocktail will consist of Pertuzumab, Herceptin & Taxotere (in continuation w/ my Zometa & Femara).  I received my Zometa infusion today and now I'm waiting to hear when I'll start my other infusions (we're basically waiting for the pharmacy to order and receive the new drugs).  Until then I'm sure I'll be repeating exactly the same thing I did leading up to today... convincing myself this is "my drug," "THE drug" that kicks this cancer's ass and of course preparing for what this new drug has in store for me.  Oooooh, the viscous circle that is my life!

Here's to Chemo Cocktail #... Oh hell, I've lost track!  But this one could be "the one!"