Reelin' in the Big'uns

I have been wanting to post this entry for quite awhile now, but I tell ya, this "cancer thing" (not feeling well, being admitted into the hospital, etc) keeps getting in the way of me accomplishing things on my to do list!  Shesh!!

So first things first, if you were able to attend this year's Art Bra Austin... how amazing was that?!?  Amazing can't even describe it!  It was so much fun and there was such a loving, powerful, supportive vibe that just overtook the Austin Music Hall!  I'm so glad I participated and modeled this year!  It's an experience and memory I'll always cherish and something that will always bring a smile to my face!

Thank you all who attended!  Maybe I'm a little biased, but I think I had one hell of an impressive cheering section!  I don't think I'll be able to give a shout out to everyone I know who purchased a ticket, but I do want to give a big thank you to my friend Elizabeth Weisman/Hunter Ind. for being a Sponsor.  Sponsorships really contribute in making this event a success, so EA, I hope you don't mind me calling you out on your continuous support of being of Sponsor... this being the 3rd year in a row!  Thanks girl! 

Now lets talk about my online fundraising.  Oh my!!!  I am so impressed and in absolute awe at how generous you all have been in helping me raise money for the BCRC!  With everything that has been going on over the last couple of weeks, I do apologize that you have not received your thank you notes yet (yes, I'm totally playing the cancer card on this one.  Ha ha!).  But you have to know how much I appreciate your generosity and support!

Mark & Patti Smith

Rose Trott

Gwynn Clark

"Dr." Omar Rodriguez

Mrs. Jene Bearse

Kathryn Gibson

Liz & Jeff Keating

Johnny & Anne Weisman

Sherri Kawulok

Beth Payan

Mrs. Corinne Gafni

Mrs. Cagney Hurt

Ms. Rebecca Eaton

Camille Osterkamp

Brannon Brooke

Teresa Mize

Bill Hogan

Mrs. Debi Smith

Debra Smith

Paul & Connie McDaniel

Stephanie Jeffries

So I've talked a lot about the event itself, but lets talk a little more about the details.  All the models are clients of the BCRC.  The bras that are worn are either created by the model themselves or are designed, created and donated to the BCRC.  Considering this was my first debut on the runway, I decided that I wanted to create my own bra.  For those of you that know me... I don't have a single crafty, creative bone in my body.  That's when my friend, Brandi Wilson, swooped in, helped me design and create the bra I wore and saved the day.  Thank you B for dedicating your time and energy to this project.  I had a blast hanging out with you and not only did a learn a thing or two about arts and crafts, but I discovered that Hobby Lobby is one of THE most overwhelming stores you could ever go in!  Ha ha!  

So back to my art bra... This piece exemplifies one of my passions.  I love to fish!  It is something I enjoy to do with my husband, my family and my friends.  I worked with my friend, Brandi, along with other fishing enthusiasts, to craft a bra that embodies the excitement and thrill I experience when spending time with people I love, doing the activity I love.  Introducing "Reelin' in the Big'uns!"

Of course considering this is a charity event, another aspect of raising money for the BCRC, is their live and silent auction.  Not only are the bras modeled by BCRC clients, but the bras are packaged with other products and auctioned off.  My bra was apart of the silent auction and was packaged with a gift basket of fly fishing gear donated by Gruene Outfitters along w/ a Yeti Cooler donated by John & Lauren Damen.  A HUGE thank you goes out to Gruene Outfitters and to John & Lauren Damen for making this an awesome packaged deal!  

Thank you Amanda Fowler (redscottage.com) for not only donating the flies you tied for my bra, but for my custom made fly earrings...

Since I'm on a roll for giving shout outs... I want to thank all those involved in making this such a successful, fun event.  This includes all the volunteers who helped with hair and makeup backstage.  I also want to thank Betty Lash for donating Organic Glow spray tans to the models.  Seriously, I enjoyed every second of that tan!  Loved it and I highly recommend checking out Betty Lash's spa services if you live in the Austin area.  AND a very special thank you goes out to the women who helped me before, during and after I puked that night.  Yup, that's right... this girl puked and rallied!  I would say that nerves could have caused the upset stomach, but it's clear that a couple of days later my outpatient procedure and hospital stay with Pancreatitis was to blame for my week long unexplained bouts of throwing up.  I guess it was just easier to blame it on nerves.  But hey, the show must go on!

So this is what it comes down to... after all the hard work that was put into making this event happen and the generosity of all of those contributing (whether that was a time commitment or a financial contribution), the BCRC raised more than $245,000!!!  Talk about an amazing success and such a memorable experience!  

Again... THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!

I wish I had more pictures of those who attended, but here is one with a few of my girlfriends:

Me and my hubs:

One last pose on the runway of all the models participating:

Quick Update

My week long stay at Seton is finally over.  I'm at home and starting my recovery process.  When I get a little more energy and I'm not quite so uncomfortable, I'll fill you in a little more about what's been going on.  Right now I'm getting ready to find out what's in my near future as far as what my next treatment will possibly be.  I have an appointment Monday morning at the START clinic (South Tx Accelerated Research Therapeutics) in San Antonio to discuss clinical trial options.  I can't say I'm thrilled about making the trip down to SA so soon after getting out of the hospital, but we really want to get this ball rolling to find out what our options are and getting something started ASAP.  

I still have so much I want to share with y'all.  I'll be back in touch when I'm feeling better and things calm down.

  

Another Day or Two

I'm currently still at Seton and I've been told I'll be released in another day or two.  I'm pretty sure I was told that 3 days ago, but I guess that's just the safest, non confrontational answer they're able to give with a smile on their face.  But as always, things weren't quite as "easy peasy" as they thought it would be when admitting me into Seton.  Since my last blog entry I've had two additional procedures done on the same site.  (I know, unfortunately I won't be walking out of here with a fuller set of lips and nice little butt lift).  Anyway, the two procedures were basically "tweaking" the first procedure I had done on Friday.  This of course set us back a bit in the healing process of the incision site.  We had some bile leakage issues that we needed to get control over and lets be honest, nothing good can come out of bile leakage!  Ugh!  In the meantime I also developed a minor fever that we couldn't ignore because obviously that's a possible sign of infection.  The good news today is that my diet restriction has been upgraded from a liquid diet to a soft diet.  Oh Yeah!!  Moving' on up!  Bring on the mashed taters!

So ya, we're trucking along.  Unfortunately after that last infusion I've lost a pretty big portion of my hair.  I think my prized possession right now is my lent roller.  Who would have known?!  It's amazing how much your hair can just get e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e!  I guess I better be getting those hair clippers out of storage.  I guess it's great timing for summertime!  

Adios until my next entry... I'm thinking in about a day or two!

ER #14 - The Good News & The Bad News

On Friday I proceeded to have my "easy peasy" outpatient day surgery... Drains were being put in my liver to help alleviate the build up of bile.  

For those of you who read my blog on a regular basis... Then you know that things did not turn out as "easy peasy" as they should have been.  

After a seemingly successful procedure, I ended up at home and started my recovery process.  The next thing I knew I ended up in the Emergency Room a couple hours later because of a leak in my incision site.  After a CT scan, additional tests and lab work, the entertainment of listening to a crazy Friday night in the ER and realizing I was placed in the same room where they told me I had breast cancer... The ER Doctor came in to reveal the good news and the bad news.

The Good News

The drains that were placed in my liver were working (good placement, good drainage and just overall looking like a successful procedure).

The Bad News

I have Pancreatitis

I'm sorry, but the last time I was in this ER #14 I was struggling with the fact that I was being told I had breast cancer and the possibility that it had spread to my liver.  I'm not trying to downplay Pancreatitis, but I was most definitely expecting worse news.   After hearing the news and sitting there looking around at my family that was with me... I was thinking to myself "AND does this mean the cancer has spread to my Pancreas? Does this mean I have Pancreatic cancer?"  I mean when you say you have bad news... I'm expecting to hear BAD news!  Nope!  Not the case at all.  I have Pancreatitis which is basically the inflammation of the Pancreas and is probably the root of the problems/bad side effects I've been experiencing lately. 

So right now I'm still in the hospital.  I've been told I'll be here another day or two.  Of course that's something I'll believe it when I see it.  But so far and as of now, everything is shaping up nicely.  My lab work is looking great and it's amazing how much better I'm feeling.   Yes, I'm feeling better, but I also don't want to portray this as a walk in the park (well, I guess that depends on what park you're walking in).  Anyway, right now I have a pretty nasty drain coming out of my stomach that is attached to a bag that is collecting all the extra bile (trust me, you don't want me to describe this any further).  I also have not been able to eat or drink since midnight on Thurs night.  This is due to the fasting I had to do for my procedure on Friday and then once it was discovered I had Pancreatitis, I was unable to eat or drink (not even water) because we do not want my pancreas to be working or excreting enzymes.  I was finally able to start a liquid diet today.  Who knew that a 1/4 cup of chicken broth, a couple bites of red jello and a half a cup of water could be so filling!  But hey, I'm ok with baby steps!  And as many of you also know, my blog can tend to have inside jokes planted here and there, so Mawmaw, this one goes out to you... Believe me, I would have requested yellow jello if I had the chance!  ;)

Alright, I need to wrap this up.  I've been trying to get this done in between the naps and the constant rotation of doctors and nurses coming in and out.  Thanks again for all the prayers, positive thoughts and good vibes you've been putting out there for me.  I've had a couple of requests for hospital visits and as much as I'd love the company, this has been a pretty exhausting experience for me.  Besides, I may be getting out of here tomorrow, right?!?

So to sum this up, I feel like we're getting things accomplished.  We've pinpointed issues that need to be taken care of and dammit, we're taking care of them!  I'm looking forward to seeing Dr. H at some point this week and figuring out what our next plan of attack will be!

Bad news... Pleeeeeeeeeease!!!

Mellow Yellow

Over the last couple of weeks I have had so many things I've wanted to blog about and share (how successful Art Bra Austin was is a good example and wanting to share pictures of my outfit), but to be quite honest, I've been feeling pretty crumby lately (yes, I decided to go the PG route in describing how I feel).  I started my new chemo cocktail on May 8th (an infusion I would get once every 3 weeks), and even though I was told it was going to be a rough one, I kept thinking, "sure, I'll have a rough week and then I'll have 2 weeks to live it up and have some fun."  Welllllllll, that's not exactly how it went down.  The last 3 weeks have been pretty miserable (again, PG version).

On top of the extreme dehydration, nausea, stomach issues, hair loss (thankfully I've started out again with a thick head of hair so it's not too noticeable), and what turned into a constant pain in my right side (yep, the liver quiver)... there's also the chest/stomach pains I've been having.  Unfortunately these pains became so bad that I would instantly throw up.  I've been taking an anti spasm medicine for my esophagus and after tweaking the dose a couple of times, these chest/stomach pains are finally better.  The endoscopy I ended up having thankfully came back clear, but the GI Dr believes this is all stress related.  I'm sorry... stress?!?  What is that???  And what could I or my body be possibly stressed about?!  Weird!

So this is the deal... I was supposed to get my 2nd infusion this week.  After keeping Dr. H updated on a regular basis on my side effects and how I've been handling them (or not being able to handle them), and walking into her office and having her comment on how yellow I was... chemo was put on hold and a CT scan was ordered that afternoon.  

The results are in... The lesions on my liver are slightly larger, but the problem is that the lesions are interfering with bile in my liver getting to the bile duct.  

Side note:  Before I go on any further, here's a little fun fact about bile... because don't we all need to know a little more about bile!  And no, this is nothing fancy, just some quick info from Wikipedia (however reliable or unreliable you find Wikipedia)... 

A bile duct is any of a number of long tube-like structures that carry bile.  Bile, required for the digestion of food, is secreted by the liver into passages that carry bile toward the hepatic duct, which joins with the cystic duct (carrying bile to and from the gallbladder) to form the common bile duct, which opens into the intestine.  Blockage of the bile duct by a cancer, gallstones, or scarring from injury prevents the bile from being transported to the intestine and the active ingredient in the bile (bilirubin) instead accumulates in the blood. This condition results in jaundice, where the skin and eyes become yellow from the bilirubin in the blood. 

So yes, this explains my yellow hue.  Tomorrow I will have an outpatient day surgery where they will put a drain in my liver which will alleviate the backup of bile in my liver.  Next week we'll do some more lab work and see how this procedure is helping out.  If this works (or should I say when this works), I will have a lot more options as far as chemo goes.

Prayers, good vibes, positive thoughts and energy are of course welcomed!  As far as me needing any help... from what I understand, this should be an easy peasy procedure and I have a ton of family in town and coming into town to help me out.  I'll keep you posted on how things are going as soon as I can.  

I also can't wait to share with you some of the more fun and entertaining "chapters" in my cancer journey.  My Art Bra Austin experience is at the top of the list, but I also can't wait to introduce you to my new BFF!  Gotta love a teaser!  Now I just need to feel better to follow up on these blog entries!  ;)

Comfortably Numb - A New Cocktail

I'm not quite sure why I'm not freaking out at this point.  I'm still going through all the same emotions I've gone through in the past when we've switched up my treatment... I don't think I'll ever not go through the worrying, the nerves, or the "what ifs."  But for some reason this time I feel a little more numb.  Numb in a... in a way that I'm okay with.  Lets call it, comfortably numb.  

Maybe I've come to terms with and I'm accepting of the fact that TDM1/Kadcyla and the 1,000 drugs I tried before that, weren't the right drugs for me.  And maybe this next treatment isn't the right one for me either.  But what if it is?  One of these days we're bound to find the right drug.  Right?!  

Maybe this is just my new "normal."  I'm not quite sure what normal is anymore... it's been redefined so many times since I was diagnosed.  

Maybe now that I'm retired I don't have the added stress of trying to make it into work or worrying that if I don't work, I won't get paid. 

Maybe it's having faith that everything will be okay. 

Maybe I don't need a reason or an explanation as to why I feel "comfortably numb."  

Tomorrow I'll start a new chemo cocktail...

Epirubicin, Cytoxin & Herceptin 

Let's get this new treatment started!  It could be the right drug for me!

 

I... Have become comfortably numb.

Mixed Emotions

I'm not exactly sure how to start this blog entry.  I have a few mixed emotions going on here.  The new treatment I'm on (TDM1 or Kadycla) isn't exactly working.  Who am I kidding... In no shape or form is it working.  I had a PET scan on Monday and the lesions on my liver are bigger and showing more cancer activity AND it spread to a couple lymph nodes in the abdomen area (in addition to the lymph nodes that were detected on my last scan).  Well, SH*T!  Now what?!  I have no idea and I have to wait till Monday to talk to Dr. H about our new game plan.  Well, I can't say I'm that surprised in these oh so disappointing results.  I knew my body was trying to tell me something.  Over the last 2 weeks I've been experiencing this "discomfort"... not quite in my abdomen and not quite in my chest, but somewhere in-between.  I've been taking Prilosec for heartburn and then started taking Carafate which treats ulcers and was about to make an appointment with a Gastroenterologist... and then we received the PET results which helped explain the mystery discomfort.  Wouldn't you know it... (insert suspenseful music)... it's my liver!  Because this is such a different pain/discomfort then what I've experienced in the past, I never thought for a second it was my liver.  In a weird kind of way I'm relieved it's nothing new!  The 3 lesions might be bigger, but hell, things could be worse!  At one point last year I had over 20 lesions on my liver!  So ya, things could be worse!

Anyway, this week hasn't been an easy one... anticipating the possible bad PET scan results and now processing the bad PET scan results and everything that comes with it (starting a new drug, new side effects, etc).  Let's see, I'm worried, I'm pissed, I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm confused and I'm tired!  Yep, to sum it up... this sucks!  

Cancer has basically become my full time job.  It consumes so much of my life and my day to day activities... Drs appointments, lab work, chemo, recovering from chemo, more appointments, more lab work, scans... sometimes it feels like it never ends.  

I had my week planned out with lunches, get togethers and dinners.  Even though I've been feeling a little "discomfort," I was looking forward to catching up with friends and having a few laughs.  Well, after this emotional roller coaster I've been on, you have no idea how badly I wanted to bail and cancel all my plans.  And then I realized, I CAN'T and I WON'T let this disease control my life and deprive me of the fun and good times I look forward to.  And THAT is how I'm kickin' cancer's ass!!

P.S. I'm looking forward to seeing y'all at Art Bra Austin in a little over 2 weeks.  If you're unable to go and would like to help me raise money for the Breast Cancer Resource Center (BCRC), here is the link to my fundraising page... CLICK HERE!  Thank you!